Nice Day Out.

So yesterday I turned up at the appointed place at the appointed time and I was quite proud of myself for getting out of bed in time. I was greeted by a stern looking receptionist who told me "Mrs. Simpleton will be with you in a moment. Go and sit over there." She pointed to a waiting area full of ga ga's. I sat and waited. Then after ten minutes they wheeled in Mrs. Simpleton. She looked like a made up corpse. I wheeled her out into the streets.
"Where are we going " she crowed.
"To the zoo Mrs. Simpleton".
"Oh good, I like the wild animals. I think."

I had every intention of taking her there but somewhere along the way a pub stood in our path.
"Refreshments Mrs. Simpleton."
"What"?
She was a little deaf.
"A drink first my dear."
" Oh , lovely."
And there we sat, me drinking whisky, telling her it was a health mixture and her sitting drinking cider and believing it was an exotic cocktail.
Mrs. Simpleton was easily lead.
I ignored her for an hour.
A fantasy sat suddenly beside me.
" I think what you do is very nobel."
Nobel? I'm not going to give my life up for the old biddy.
We hit it off. She invited me back.
I parked Mrs. Simpleton in the front room, put a nature video on, and we went upstairs.

I returned Mrs. Simpleton at the appointed time at the appointed place. She was raving about puffins and seals, full of the joys of life.

I've been asked back !!!!
It was a good day out.

After.

After moving in,after five years, it suddenly became apparent that there was a huge hole in the floor. And looking through the hole you could see that the foundations were also pretty shakey.
You live with it or you tear it all down.......

Cold Killer.

Shagged out.

I was moving house yesterday togeather with my girlfriend. My new next door neighbour was sitting outside his door in the sun. We had introduced ourselves and he seemed like a pretty decent sort. After that I went to work carrying all the bags and boxes from the van to the flat three floors up. It took us the whole afternoon and every half hour I smoked a cigarette in the company of my new neighbour.
There was plenty of sweating, puffing and panting. Then when I was passing him for the last trip upstairs, struggling with a clothes dryer he said loudly, not even looking at me, " No shaggin' for you tonight!"

The relationship with my neighbour will never be anything special.

Holiday.

"Groovy, man," I heard somebody beside me say. I've heard so many forms of greeting in the last two months in L.A. that I was not in the least surprised. I turned to the speaker and then remembered that I was at a fancy dress party. The man standing next to me had a wig on with long matted hair and a huge fake joint in his hand. I looked at him thinking ' Why is that joint fake? This is L.A.!' But then I remembered how I was dressed. As Batman ! I was showing all I didn't have to offer. And in the city that's built on fake, that's the last thing you want to do. You would think that Batman could never be out of place, especially in the city of dreams, but I maybe should have put a salami in my tight licra costume to be on the safe side.
Up untill this point I was't enjoying myself.
"You wanna light my fire man"?
I lifted my mask and gave him my street stare.
" No, really. Have you got a light"?
I picked up a box of matches from a coffee table and I lit the 18 inch monster and after getting it going he offered it to me.

I got up two hours ago from my own bed two days after the event and I have no idea what's gone on. I have a bad feeling about it all.

I think I will go home early.

Oh no, I just rememered something. The rubber sabre and the feather duster.
I'm on the next plane out.....

Super Woman.

I sat on the 81st floor of the Grand Hotel.The rest of the 80 floors all had ceilings. From that angle I had the the best perspective on depth. Depth is inviting.
Sat there trying to think like a Samuri warrior beceause I thought that I was doing the honourable thing.
Nothing below was real.
The sound of a bird sitting on a telephone mast behind me made me turn my head. It went "Brrrrr, brrrrr. Brrrrr, brrrrrr."

And then, whoosh.
She was there . For me.

Super Woman to the rescue !