Nippy Out ! Just For The Hell.

Samual had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity for his friend Liam to turn up. Samual was always too early for appointments and Liam was always too late. Samual had tried being late in the past when they had made arrangements to meet up but it had only made him feel agitated for the rest of the evening. Samual didn't mind waiting as his own thoughts were always enough to keep him occupied and amused. But his thoughts couldn't override the cold. He was cold to the core and longed to be indoors. He wondered why they never arranged to meet inside as they would end up inside anyway.He thought it might have to do with that if he didn't turn up Liam would feel embarraced in public if it seemed he had been stood up. But imidiately he realised how ridiculous that was and even let out a little chuckle despite his chattering teeth. As he was standing there he wondered about stuff; pidgeons, planes, how he was going to cook dinner for ten people on his broken down cooker, why his sister insisted on sending him seeds for a garden he didn't have, hibernation, very young women in short skirts in the winter, all women in the summer, a better way to recycle shit, the way he judged people, star signs, meat production, whale meat, gravy stains and brandy butter.
When Liam turned up he was thinking about joining Japanees Brides.com.

Liam was breathing hard as they shook hands. He hadn't been running but the cold seemed to force the breath out of his chest under great pressure. His steaming breath was visable for a full yard before it cooled into the surrounding bitterness. Though they were smiling at each other their openening sentences to one and the other were serious complaints about the weather.
"Where to", said Samual. "Snooker hall or The Rose and Crown?"
"Rose and Crown,"said Liam. If it's not too busy we can maybe sit by the fire."

They walked unsteadilly, shuffeled and slipped on the compacted snow down the High Street.
Samual joked about Liams' trousers which he had taken up too much in the leg. He was wearing Army boots which made him look like a bovverboy...
Liam joked about the size of Samual's head but Samual was used to this because he hadn't just had a large head since yesterday.

The Rose and Crown was dimly lit, wonderfully warm and almost desserted so they were indeed free to sit by the open fireplace which they did after ordering two pints.
"Heard anything recently"? asked Samual.
"An explosion far off in the distance this morning but it didn't freak me out or anything. You?"
"Heard a rumour about numbers that may have disappeared from pages but when I looked they were all there. Not in the right order but they were there. Seen much?"
"Saw a manky pidgeon yesterday and saw one today too. But it could have been the same one. You? "
"Saw a Porche smash into a tree but figured the guy driving was well off enough to take care of himself."
"Felt anything good the last time?" asked Liam.
"Felt warm yesterday outside and seeing that it was 10 under I was quite pleased with myself. You?"
"Felt a kiss on my lips and seeing that I was on my own I was quite pleased with MYSELF!!!!" Liam smiled looking indeed pleased with himself. There was a short pause then Samual said,
"I treated myself to fruit a couple of days ago but it just left a bad taste in my mouth."
"Was it off?"asked Liam.
Ï don't think so,"pondered Samual,"I think I was just in the wrong state of mind."
"I hate it when that happens."said Liam.

After one or the other had fetched two more pints, it doesn't matter which one, Liam looked into Samuals eyes and said,"You didn't lie to your doctor last week did you?"
"Haven't seen my GP for two years now,"said Samual.
"Then you've answered my question to perfection. My GP's insane. On my last visit he googled a pair of panties onlinehappening at mega mega bytes and before I left he received a bag of dead roses and mouldy truffles. As he was fitting the panties I took measurements and came to the conclusion that his mental health had turned into terror strips.
"Not good!!!!"said Samual.
"You can say that again!!! I heard his wallet drop to the sky a few days later."

They decided to go for a game of snooker after all.
As they left the barman jiggled his huge man breasts at them and whinnied like a mare.
When they got outside they looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Can you imagine.....", said one of them....
The other said,"Only if the hat's the right size...."
They both fell in the steaming snow and laughed themselves to death!!

If only the thought of Pygmies looking the other way had evaded them!!!
The ambulance was far too late!!!!!

It Never Rains....

L.A.had never seemed so dark as on the day she couldn't get that bloody awful song out of her head. Unusually there was no smog to cloud everything over. The darkness almost seemed to come from within, but then again Lydia felt so many influences streaming in from the outside which would take hold of her just as that bloody awful song had done. "Take it, hold it keep it".... over and over in her head. She didn't know who sung it and was not in the slightest bit interested. She just wished it would go away. Her head was too full of everything that made no sence and that was at that moment not important. She was slowly making herself crazy with thoughts she felt she had no control over. For a while she tried to concentrate on one thought but realized it was pointless as so much garbage started to pour back in. And that bloody song over and over. She was driving down Yukka street on her way to work at Capitol Records where she was P.A. to one of the big wigs there. The pay was good though her boss was irritating and she felt that he asked more of her than was in her job description. After parking in the emloyees parking lot she stood staring at the office building with a feeling of great trepidation, the feeling that something of significance was going to happen.
Lydia got back into her car, got her mobile out, called in sick, then sped away from the impending doom. Even the strange heavy atmosphere couldn't dampen the great feeling of releif as she drove west on Sunset heading toward the coast for no particular reason. She had the radio on trying to drown out the terrible tune in her head but all to no avail. It went on and on and on. "Take it hold it..."... On and on. Lydia was menally paralized, her body going somewhere, her mind frozen. She decided to head for the lake.................

Judith, who was actually from the Bronx NYC, had been living in L.A. for two years and was still struggling to make it. When she had moved she was full of optimism and hope but after all the set backs she just seemed to feel awfully deflated these days. She had hoped to break into acting but this was a half baked idea as she had no talent and no potential. She hadn't thought it through at all. So she, as so many others, was waiting tables living from tips and just barely scraping by.
Today she had the lunchshift and left the house with too much time to spare. As she was driving, her usual deflated feeling was accentuated by the opressive weather and the awful music on the radio. It went; "take it, hold it, keep it", on and on.... Bloody awful! As soon as she got the chance she changed the station. She found jazz, she found rock and no end of pop music but it all did nothing to change the weight on her so she turned the radio off and just carried on driving, the sound of the traffic her only accompanyment. She had no idea why she had left so early but she knew she had to get out of the flat. The walls had been closing in on her. Driving was a relief but she din't know what from.

Marco was italian and had only been living in L.A. for six months. He was taking acting lessons but during the day he worked in a bar overlooking Echo lake not far from The Dodgers stadium.
There were not many people at the lake that day and business was slow so he was going through some lines for an audition he had in a couple of days.
He had worked in the bar for four months and had never thought to ask how to turn the heating on but now he wondered. It may have been because of the inactivity in the bar or maybe he was sickening for something but he started feeling colder and colder.
There were only two costomers in the bar at that time as he was reading the lines of his big love scene. His leading lady had just said, "If you take my heart, hold me close and keep it safe......" He glanced up from the page to check out his two clients. An old man with a bourbon was scribbling away sat in one of the dark booths. Marco had written the name Daniel on the bar tab but he didn't think the old man looked like a Daniel. His other guest had given the name Lydia and she was staring into her third beer just as she had done with the first two.....
Then Marco heard the door open and Judith walked in. She looked like she had seen a ghost. There was a very heavy silence as Marco, Lydia and the man in the booth stared at the unnerved Judith. And then shivering she said, "This is fucking L.A. man... This is so fucking unbelievable..... Look....Look!!!
They all looked out of the window and all were dumfounded. It was november and all was white.