" Good evening and welcome to International Weather News, I'm Tempesta Blizzaard. Well it's all been happening with the weather hasn't it? As we can see on the satellite picture over Great Britain and the rest of Europe it's still very unsettled. The storms that have been battering Europe are still persisting. Seven dead yesterday in Britain and a total of twenty three in the rest of Europe. We did warn you to stay at home. But did you listen? Did you hell! And despite all this you will probably go out today as well. Be it on your own head.
" So our forecast for the next twenty four hours in Britain is about nine deaths. Experts predict that another thirty or so people will die in the rest of Europe in the coming twenty four hours. These calculations were made without any forthcoming information from the Russian government. The Russians have been spared the storms but are struggling with temperatures of minus 30 and heavy snowfall in many parts of the country. The only thing a spokesman for president Poetin had to say was ; " Alot of our old people will die because of the unfortunate weather conditions. " We asked him what was alot? He had a broad smile on his face as he said " Many, many, many. "
An independent reporter in Moscow said he saw an old woman suddenly turn blue and drop dead in a breadline. And so it goes.
And if we flip over to the other side of the world we can see that Australia and Indonesia are having trouble with forest fires as a result of many months of drought. One firefighter died in Australia and two in Indonesia.
Our experts have predicted that at least five more will die in the region in the next twenty four hours.
And now moving on to The United States where they're having all kinds of everything. The Golden Gate Bridge was bending every which way but the police closed it off in time so no deaths there. But the biggest surprise was in Florida where temperatures of minus 50 in combination with a hurricane caused the deaths of 2000 people over the age of 78. President Bush said ; " At least they lived a life." Despite the temperatures and the wind chill factor, the excursion to Key West for 100 people over the age of 79 will still be going ahead. President Bush just grinned that moronic grin and said; " I'm sure some of them will make it. "
Moving on to Greenland now where 2 fishermen fell through the ice. They had visited that spot for the last twenty years but yesterday the ice was too thin because of the abnormal high temperatures in the region over the last three months. You've got to laugh haven't you. And so it goes. Meteorologists in Greenland were too confused to give a prediction for the coming 24 hours.
Even though I'm going to advise you not to go outside tomorrow I know some of you will. So my weather prediction for tomorrow is ; 9 deaths in Britain and about 35 deaths in the rest of Europe.
Not a bad forecast really. Better than a day in Baghdad. And now back to the studio."
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1 comment:
Pfftt. people just can't stand a bit of bad weather anymore these days. I went to work on my bycicle, and did notice a couple of broken of treebranches.
When I arrived and parsed the news-headlines, and found out that we where dealing with a national emergengy (code pink?).
Please use some common sense.. we're not dealing with the apocalypse (we will if global warming continues). It's just a bit of bad weather. If you want to go out, do so.. it's you own choice. The last thing we need is media which cries 'wolf' at every possible occasion.
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