Nippy Out ! Just For The Hell.

Samual had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity for his friend Liam to turn up. Samual was always too early for appointments and Liam was always too late. Samual had tried being late in the past when they had made arrangements to meet up but it had only made him feel agitated for the rest of the evening. Samual didn't mind waiting as his own thoughts were always enough to keep him occupied and amused. But his thoughts couldn't override the cold. He was cold to the core and longed to be indoors. He wondered why they never arranged to meet inside as they would end up inside anyway.He thought it might have to do with that if he didn't turn up Liam would feel embarraced in public if it seemed he had been stood up. But imidiately he realised how ridiculous that was and even let out a little chuckle despite his chattering teeth. As he was standing there he wondered about stuff; pidgeons, planes, how he was going to cook dinner for ten people on his broken down cooker, why his sister insisted on sending him seeds for a garden he didn't have, hibernation, very young women in short skirts in the winter, all women in the summer, a better way to recycle shit, the way he judged people, star signs, meat production, whale meat, gravy stains and brandy butter.
When Liam turned up he was thinking about joining Japanees Brides.com.

Liam was breathing hard as they shook hands. He hadn't been running but the cold seemed to force the breath out of his chest under great pressure. His steaming breath was visable for a full yard before it cooled into the surrounding bitterness. Though they were smiling at each other their openening sentences to one and the other were serious complaints about the weather.
"Where to", said Samual. "Snooker hall or The Rose and Crown?"
"Rose and Crown,"said Liam. If it's not too busy we can maybe sit by the fire."

They walked unsteadilly, shuffeled and slipped on the compacted snow down the High Street.
Samual joked about Liams' trousers which he had taken up too much in the leg. He was wearing Army boots which made him look like a bovverboy...
Liam joked about the size of Samual's head but Samual was used to this because he hadn't just had a large head since yesterday.

The Rose and Crown was dimly lit, wonderfully warm and almost desserted so they were indeed free to sit by the open fireplace which they did after ordering two pints.
"Heard anything recently"? asked Samual.
"An explosion far off in the distance this morning but it didn't freak me out or anything. You?"
"Heard a rumour about numbers that may have disappeared from pages but when I looked they were all there. Not in the right order but they were there. Seen much?"
"Saw a manky pidgeon yesterday and saw one today too. But it could have been the same one. You? "
"Saw a Porche smash into a tree but figured the guy driving was well off enough to take care of himself."
"Felt anything good the last time?" asked Liam.
"Felt warm yesterday outside and seeing that it was 10 under I was quite pleased with myself. You?"
"Felt a kiss on my lips and seeing that I was on my own I was quite pleased with MYSELF!!!!" Liam smiled looking indeed pleased with himself. There was a short pause then Samual said,
"I treated myself to fruit a couple of days ago but it just left a bad taste in my mouth."
"Was it off?"asked Liam.
Ï don't think so,"pondered Samual,"I think I was just in the wrong state of mind."
"I hate it when that happens."said Liam.

After one or the other had fetched two more pints, it doesn't matter which one, Liam looked into Samuals eyes and said,"You didn't lie to your doctor last week did you?"
"Haven't seen my GP for two years now,"said Samual.
"Then you've answered my question to perfection. My GP's insane. On my last visit he googled a pair of panties onlinehappening at mega mega bytes and before I left he received a bag of dead roses and mouldy truffles. As he was fitting the panties I took measurements and came to the conclusion that his mental health had turned into terror strips.
"Not good!!!!"said Samual.
"You can say that again!!! I heard his wallet drop to the sky a few days later."

They decided to go for a game of snooker after all.
As they left the barman jiggled his huge man breasts at them and whinnied like a mare.
When they got outside they looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Can you imagine.....", said one of them....
The other said,"Only if the hat's the right size...."
They both fell in the steaming snow and laughed themselves to death!!

If only the thought of Pygmies looking the other way had evaded them!!!
The ambulance was far too late!!!!!

It Never Rains....

L.A.had never seemed so dark as on the day she couldn't get that bloody awful song out of her head. Unusually there was no smog to cloud everything over. The darkness almost seemed to come from within, but then again Lydia felt so many influences streaming in from the outside which would take hold of her just as that bloody awful song had done. "Take it, hold it keep it".... over and over in her head. She didn't know who sung it and was not in the slightest bit interested. She just wished it would go away. Her head was too full of everything that made no sence and that was at that moment not important. She was slowly making herself crazy with thoughts she felt she had no control over. For a while she tried to concentrate on one thought but realized it was pointless as so much garbage started to pour back in. And that bloody song over and over. She was driving down Yukka street on her way to work at Capitol Records where she was P.A. to one of the big wigs there. The pay was good though her boss was irritating and she felt that he asked more of her than was in her job description. After parking in the emloyees parking lot she stood staring at the office building with a feeling of great trepidation, the feeling that something of significance was going to happen.
Lydia got back into her car, got her mobile out, called in sick, then sped away from the impending doom. Even the strange heavy atmosphere couldn't dampen the great feeling of releif as she drove west on Sunset heading toward the coast for no particular reason. She had the radio on trying to drown out the terrible tune in her head but all to no avail. It went on and on and on. "Take it hold it..."... On and on. Lydia was menally paralized, her body going somewhere, her mind frozen. She decided to head for the lake.................

Judith, who was actually from the Bronx NYC, had been living in L.A. for two years and was still struggling to make it. When she had moved she was full of optimism and hope but after all the set backs she just seemed to feel awfully deflated these days. She had hoped to break into acting but this was a half baked idea as she had no talent and no potential. She hadn't thought it through at all. So she, as so many others, was waiting tables living from tips and just barely scraping by.
Today she had the lunchshift and left the house with too much time to spare. As she was driving, her usual deflated feeling was accentuated by the opressive weather and the awful music on the radio. It went; "take it, hold it, keep it", on and on.... Bloody awful! As soon as she got the chance she changed the station. She found jazz, she found rock and no end of pop music but it all did nothing to change the weight on her so she turned the radio off and just carried on driving, the sound of the traffic her only accompanyment. She had no idea why she had left so early but she knew she had to get out of the flat. The walls had been closing in on her. Driving was a relief but she din't know what from.

Marco was italian and had only been living in L.A. for six months. He was taking acting lessons but during the day he worked in a bar overlooking Echo lake not far from The Dodgers stadium.
There were not many people at the lake that day and business was slow so he was going through some lines for an audition he had in a couple of days.
He had worked in the bar for four months and had never thought to ask how to turn the heating on but now he wondered. It may have been because of the inactivity in the bar or maybe he was sickening for something but he started feeling colder and colder.
There were only two costomers in the bar at that time as he was reading the lines of his big love scene. His leading lady had just said, "If you take my heart, hold me close and keep it safe......" He glanced up from the page to check out his two clients. An old man with a bourbon was scribbling away sat in one of the dark booths. Marco had written the name Daniel on the bar tab but he didn't think the old man looked like a Daniel. His other guest had given the name Lydia and she was staring into her third beer just as she had done with the first two.....
Then Marco heard the door open and Judith walked in. She looked like she had seen a ghost. There was a very heavy silence as Marco, Lydia and the man in the booth stared at the unnerved Judith. And then shivering she said, "This is fucking L.A. man... This is so fucking unbelievable..... Look....Look!!!
They all looked out of the window and all were dumfounded. It was november and all was white.

Feeling Alright With The Crew.

A Saturday as many others. For Davy this was the usual ritual so he could never have suspected that from this day on life would be different eventhough he had hoped and prayed that this day would come. He, just as all the others, didn't see it coming. That's why, when looking back he still found it a wonder. He had dreamed of getting out of this way of life for more than a year then but could never see a way out for himself. And then all of a sudden it was all decided for him.
Davy was not a natural fighter. But he wanted to fit in. Somewhere. Anywhere! So to fit in somewhere and because he liked football he fell in with The Crew. Bad move!

He was sixteen then and within two years had become a respected member though not one of the hardest. (He disliked pain even when drunk.)
Every Saturday, home or away, trouble would find The Crew or The Crew would find trouble.Most of The Crew were now familly men so midweek matches were not battle days anymore. Times had changed and there were no younger members joining their ranks. The average age of The Crew was now around thirty, all balding and most with a paunch or a full blown beer belly. All had jobs, wives or girlfriends and most had children and responsabillities. Members included a stockbroker, a baker, a builder, a jounalist, a few factory workers and even a doctor.All apart from Davy had one thing in common. The exitement of the battle. And they all, including Davy liked to drink!
They had a reputation for being well dressed and well spoken. Not your typical bunch of hooligans by any stretch of the imagination. It was all very deceiving.

But his was the last day The Crew would be togeather and this is how it went...

Davy stood in front of The Nags Head where they all met before home matches and took a deep breath. He was feeling the build up of adrenaline as usual at this point as he knew that this was the prelude to battle.
He was the last one in and saw that there was a hundred percent turnout. This calmed his nerves somewhat as he knew there would always be someone to watch his back. Being a home match on home turf the mood was relaxed and jovial. Most of The Crew were dressed smartly with polished shoes and some were even wearing ties like they were going to an appointment with their lawyers or something. Only a few had jeans and trainers on and their excuse was that they had worked that morning. They being the baker and a couple of factory workers.
Davy got himself a pint and joined The Crew who were spread around the lounge bar in groups. The talk was of past conquests and the stratagey for today. This all just reinforced the feeling that he had to get out and find somewhere else to belong. He was getting so frustrated with this way of life that he knew that this must be the last day with The Crew. He downed his pint pretty quickly and put his glass down for a while to listen to the banter, chipping in every now and then. As he was going to the bar for another pint he saw two older men walk in. Usually on match days the lounge bar was exclusive to The Crew and anyone invading their space was looked upon with great suspicion. But the old guys carrying their shopping in Tesco bags were not going to cause any arguements and attracted no more attention than a quick glance. They managed to find a small table and shoved their shopping bags under it and casually started chatting. The Crew thought nothing of them. And nobody noticed that when they left they had left their shopping bags under the table.

Davy had just ordered his forth pint and had to go to the toilet. He had no first hand knowledge of how powerful percussion could be but he found out as he was standing there doing his business. One moment he was just standing there pissing wishing he belonged somewhere else and the next he was on the ground with a ringing in his ears. When he stood up he saw that he was covered in dust. He brushed himself down not knowing what had taken place and when he felt collected enough he opened the door to the lounge bar. He was confronted with the sight of carnage. Bleeding and dying people lay all around. The Tesco bags had exploded. The ultimate hooliganism!
And the only thought that entered his mind was; 'Brilliant.'

The First Day...(Of the Rest Of Blah, Blah, Blah). Or . Go Plagerise Yourself!!

All was peace and tranquillity in the sleepy little village he was walking through. He had left his car on the outskirts and hadn't even noticed the name of the village. It seemed of no importance to him. Nothing was of importance. Not these days. When he was younger everything seemed to be important but now there was no drama and no exitement. The sun was gorgious but left him cold.
He stopped at a cafe and ordered some coffe. He put three sugars in but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth.
The waitress was one of the most ugly women he had ever seen but her voice was the most beautiful he had heard. He wanted to have a conversation with her just to lose himself in her dreamy voice, but her face just put him off too much!
After three more coffes the climate was changing. The sun was still shining but the mood was taking a different direction....Frustration and heartache...It was time to move on. But before he left he walked over to the ugly waitress and to her suprise he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his cheek to hers and held it there for a full minute. She didn't move. Then without a word he put his money on the table and moved on. He didn't glance back but could feel her eyes on him.
He was heading for his car but seemed to think it was the wrong direction to take, a wierd feeling in his belly. What would the next town or village bring?

Having driven over the top of a hill he could see the next village about a mile away in the valley. He left the car on the side of the road and started to walk. No other cars passed him on his way. The feeling in his belly had not subsided but tanquillity had the upperhand. A half a mile before the village there was a clearing in the trees where he lay for a while tring to understand the slight internal unrest. He felt like he had drifted off but when he stood to walk again no time had passed. He carried on towards the village in the distance. The closer he got the more the feeling in his belly was changing into something more pleasant but still he could not describe it. It was of no importance.

It was a very small village and it felt like home as soon as he entered it. But what now?
He sat again outside a cafe and before he was served he realised that he could smell the sea. The woman that served him was about fifty, too large, but had the most beautiful brown eyes and an inviting smile. He ordered coffee again but now with a brandy. This he swallowed down in one which burned his stomach straight away but eased the unrest in his belly a bit. He breathed deeply and felt at ease.
A couple of locals came and sat at his table uninvited. This would usually have disturbed him but he was now so relaxed he found it almost comforting. They spoke to him and though their language was not his own he seemed to understand but he had to admit to his new found aquaintances that he didn't. They smiled at him and tried to speak his language and it felt.....right!
The strange feeling in his belly he now realised was a voice as his new friends stood up to leave. "Work", said one of them as they left.

It was so right! So right that he knew he wanted to stay here.
And the feeling in his belly said......."Desperately"!!!!

The Last Day. ( Of His Life).

For the first time in years inspiration failed him. He tried to delve deep into his mind but even in the dark rescesses, where he usually found it most, seemed to want to keep their secrets. He stood for a full hour staring at the dull tones on the canvas. He was not a genius and didn't pretend to be but today the colours would just not come to him. He painted from imagination, had no muse and hated landscapes. He was bored and restless so eventually decided to leave the studio and walk the drab grey streets. He disliked walking and the streets never inspired him.
After an hour of sadness he entered a bar in the hope that a couple of drinks would help the colours return. The cocktails seemed to help slightly but the music the barman was playing was having the opposite effect. He felt a bit mixed up. He felt like this may be the last day of his life but also felt fine with it.
He was fully at ease and had blocked the music out when the most beautiful of women came and sat at his side. She asked no permission and said nothing. When the waiter took her order she asked for a coffee and a Scotch and it was then that he looked at her directly. And then he was no longer at ease with being dead. There were things to live for. Tall, slender, tanned and long brown hair. He dismissed the word demure when she downed the Scotch in one gulp. She took a sip of coffee, then turned to him and said, "Are you Jacob"?
"Yes I am". He felt his penis slightly stir. "Do I know you"?, he asked.
"I've seen your work somewhere".
"I doubt that very much indeed", he repied.
"Jacob, take me to your studio". This was not so much a question or request but a demand. He was a sucker for beauty eventhough his work did not reflect this so he agreed to her demand.

Once they arrived she sat on his dirty old couch and placed her hands on her smooth flat belly. She said nothing. He was also speechless but he studied her very closely. When she finally spoke she said, "I'm hungry".
"There's plenty of food in the fridge. I may be a poor artist but I love to eat". He still felt no inspiration but he did feel hungry.
"May I fix us something?", she said.
"Go ahead". He had no idea of what was happening.
After fifteen minutes she returned from the small kitchenette with two plates full of food. She may have been the most beautiful young woman he had ever seen but she was the most awful cook!! But out of politeness and lust he ate every morsal.
After finishing their meals she asked, "What's behind the covered canvas"?
"Something I began last night but I only got as far as grey's and black's".
"May I see"?
"Go ahead he said".
As she uncovered the painting neither of them were suprised to see that it was a painting of her! Naked and beautiful like it had been painted that morning. They stood for a while admiring what was proably one of his best peices of work before turning to eachother and falling into the most intimate of embraces. And then he knew what was happening.

They had eaten at the table but now she led him back to the dirty old couch and he knew he was going to be the passive one. He watched in wonder as she went down slowly. It seemed to last an age but when he finally came and eventhough it was beautiful it also felt close to the edge of trauma.

And at that moment he knew!!

This WAS the last day of his life!!!!

The fucking end!!

The Other Her.

The dawn is breaking and swarms of early morning swifts are doing their ritual sky dance around the balcony. The sun is not yet in view but it will not be long now. I'm still sleepy but feeling wonderful. And horny! I'll wait for the sun a little longer then maybe go back to bed for an hour. Seemingly taking no time at all my face is bathed in sunlight and I know it's going to be another heavenly day. So happy I could.... And it's alright!!

She lets me lie in her arms and it seems like the good old days but I'm just a man after all so I get out of bed before it becomes embarracing!

Eggs, mushrooms and sardines for breakfast. Most unusual!

And my thoughts have never left HER. The other HER! Can't shake it! And don't want to!

Lost And Found.

The outback is no place to be lost but lost he was. And he had no idea of how he had got there. He tried to think but thinking was getting harder and harder. Had he driven and if so where was his car? Or had he fallen from a plane and if so why wasn't he dead? The only thing he knew for sure was that he had to keep on walking. Placing one foot in front of the other with the purpose of getting somewhere. Anywhere!
The sun was high in the sky and beating down on his bare back. What had he done with his shirt? He was burning up and his skin was sore. One foot in front of the other, again and again. Hours and hours passed and the sun was now in front of him almost blinding him. He couldn't be sure but he thought he saw a huge rock in the distance. At last he had a pupose! A goal! A hope! One foot in front of the other. Again and again.
The dry earth beneath his feet was cracked in crazy patterns, hard and painful. Then he realized he had no shoes on! Where the fuck were his shoes? The rock was getting closer and closer. It was no illusion. Dusk was falling as he reached his destination. And it was a paradise! It was not just a rock but more of a mountain.
He enered a cave where there was water. Water! Clear, dark, deep water!Cool water!
He first drank and then dived in. It seemed like heaven! He smiled for the first time that day as he dived deeper. He took a slow careful breath. Bloody hell!! He could breathe under water!! The cool water soothed his burning skin and his smile grew broader.
He climed out of the pool and emerged from the cave to see that the night had fallen. So many stars.This was no illusion! It was heaven! The night was getting very cool but his burnt skin was keeping him warm.
How long had he been alone? He had no clue. But he certainly didn't feel lonely. He was at peace. He re-entered the cave and drank more of the fresh cool water. Strange that he had no hunger.
He lay down on a smooth flat rock which seemed like a feather bed to him. He started to doze but all of a sudden he heard something rising out of the water and the dark cave seemed to be glowing in golden light. And then an apparition appeared before him. It seemed like an angel. Long golden hair and naked. She stood with her feet either side of his hips.
"My sweet Mark! I have been waiting for you."

And this was no illusion! This was the end!

The Troubles Are Over !

The day had seemed to have begun so promisingly as there were no reports of actions and all had been quiet on the intelligence front.
'Able'company were preparing for the morning patrol and all were in good spirits. The general millitary banter was much the same as any on other day.
Charlie was the first to have all his gear on and was encouraging his comrades to get a bit of a move on but he did it with good humour which was his way.
"Fuck Chas, we've still got a half an hour before we have to move out!," said Pillkington who was one of the more serious carachters eventhough he was only eighteen.
Charlie hated being called Chas! It reminded him too much of Chas and Dave, the awful cockney singing duo.

Everyone was ready on time and 'A'company moved out at exactly 06:00 hours. Helmand Province was no laughing matter but 'A'company seemed a little too lighthearted that morning. Maybe because of the fact that after two months they hadn't lost a soul and they seemed to be getting on pretty well with the locals. But still they patrolled with the usual caution and in the right formation.
"Man on the left, fifty yards, looks a bit dodgey...., said Pillkinkton, but as they passed he just gave a toothless grin.
"Feeling on edge ?" said Charlie when they had passed the toothless old codger.
"Just looking out for you and yours Sarge!"
"Tosser", said Carlie.
"We all have our purpous in life", said Smithy, who was the real joker of the pack.
Then a sniper shot rang out though the bullet had obviously passed by before the crack of the shot was even heard.
"Cover!!", shouted Charlie and everyone found a wall to hide behind. The children who were playing in the street payed no attention whatsoever and just carried on kicking a ball around.
"Where the fuck is he, where the fuck is he?" shouted a worried Pillkington....
Charlie had a vaque susspicion that the shooter was firing from a small farm house about fivehundred yards away. But he was not convinced.
Then the whistle of another bullet passed close to Pillkingtons head and the crack of the shot followed shortly after.
"Farm house, fivehundred yards to the north ! Return fire!! shouted Charlie.
All of 'A'company opened fire and the children just carried on playing football.
Afgan snipers were usually pretty sharp but it seemed this guy was having an off day. Or maybe it was just too early for him.
As this was only a patrol, 'A'company knew that this was just a skirmish and would not turn out to be a full blown battle.

The toothless old geezer stood and just watched the soldiers still smiling his toothless grin.

The farm house had been riddled and 'A'company ducked down again for a few minutes. Sergeant Charlie Harper was the first to stand again but fell almost immidiately.
Apart from the perfect round hole in his forehead there was only a small trickle of blood that slowly made it's way down his chin as he lay slumped against the wall.
Charlie would never be troubled by the name 'Chas' again!

The Fucking End !

The Big Parade.

The day of the big parade had come and Damian had woken up early and was very exited. As were all his friends who were as equally early awake. They all loved the big parade which came to town once a year. It was only one of the biggest events that happened in the village so it was lookeked forward to with great expectation.
Damian's parents had still not risen and his older brother was still asleep.
For Damian this was just about the happiest day of the year.The floats, the bands, and the women who threw sweets and small gifts.
The preperations had been building up for days only adding to the anticipation. For the orginizers this was a complicated affair if things were to run smoothly. But Damian and his friends thought it just happend.
Damian looked outside and saw that it was a beautiful sunny day which only added to his happiness.
The floats were almost the same every year but for Damian it seemed like a new experience every time. Mind you, he had only seen the Big Parade three times before.
His favorite floats were the one's representing Heaven and Hell which followed eachother in the procsession.The Heeavenly float was alwasys in front of the Hellish float and beautiful women thre flowers to the crowds that lined the streets.
The Hell float was filled with devils and demons who snarled and growled and then gave demonic laughs which scared the very yong children.
But Damian was now seven years old and the Father Christmas myth was already a fable to him. That particular belief did not exist for him anymore. But the pagen Angles and Demons were still fresh and exiting, or so he thought.
He had arranged to meet with his friends on the village Green two hours before the parade would begin. All his friends were slightly younger than himself and their exitement was even greater than his......
One hour before the parade would begin they had found their place on the street with the best view. And as the crowds grew so did their anticipation.And then the parade began.....

Brass bands, morris dancers and then a millitary band made their way down main street. The adults clapped and cheered and the joy on the faces of the children only added to the happiness of the parents. The sun was shining and it was getting warmer. The first few floats were more or less just advertizements for local buisnesses and those in the surrounding area but they were brightly covered and the rep's threw then sweets and small gifts.
The Angels and the Demons were getting closer and closer and Damians' grin could not have been broarder. But as they got closer still his smile began to fade. The angels no longer seemed as angelic as he remembered and the demons seemed tired and halfhearted.
Damian didn't have the words to describe how he was now feeling and he just thought he was disappointed.
But the sad truth was that his innocence had once and for all been stolen.

The Fucking End !!!

mmm Sardines.

"Thankyou very much my friend",I said after he had just struck me in the face with a wet fish.If it had been fresh salmon or trout it wouldn't have been so bad.But it was a big mackrell. A big rotting mackrell!!The wet fish was surprisingly not cold but slightly warmer than my skin.
How I mistook a knife for a rotting mackrell I will never know. But before I passed out I thought I caught the faint aroma of sardines. And before I hit the ground I was murmering... mmmmmmm

Holiday Romances.....

Jamie,Jamie, Jamie!!! That's all I could think when I read the text on my mobile. And the next word that came into my head was ASSHOLE!!!! Some people think of themselves, and other people think of others, and others only of others. But I saw Jamie three weeks ago and he was no longer thinking of himself or others. I saw it in his eyes and I heard it from the few words he spoke.
He tried not to impress and tried not to judge. He was just there in a particular time where he didn't belong... So yesterday he took the easy way out.
And so it goes.
I read the text on a beach in Portugal and it made me wonder about so many things. But I was not sad for Jamie. Or his loved one's. I wondered about the flat Earth and I imagined Jamie gliding over the edge wrapped in a shroud. And his loved one's would just have to suck it up. And so it goes.

I was on holiday and this was my time so I walked a couple of hundred meters to the nearest beach bar where I took a double shot of Scotch and then ordered the cocktail that was named after the bar. Lots of alcohol... named The Seventh Wave. I saw a female hand put the drink down in front of me and looked up to give a thank you smile. But she sat down and said, "Jamie, isn't it"?
"Im sorry?"
"You are called Jamie, no..."?
"No".
"Will you walk with me on the beach"?
"Yes,....... Please."

She led me by the hand onto the soothing warm sands. It's touch beneath my feet put me at ease but then again off guard. It was only now that I took her in. Long brown hair with golden streaks and brown everything else. Apart from the piercing blue eyes! Shit!! Then I knew I was in trouble!
But we walked on for a while, not saying too much and occasionally glancing at each other. She reached for my hand and I didn't flinch. Seemed the most natural thing in the world. But at a certain point she suddenly stood stock still and looked down. I followed her gaze. I saw a very faint glimmer of gold. It was the tiniest of chain links.
"Yours, I beleive..", and she reached down and picked a couple of more chain links up which had a pendant hanging from it. It was a Celtic cross earring with very intricate and unique designs as decoration. Decoration with a message... It was thirty two degrees and I started to shiver. Jamie had a tattoo of exactly the same cross. And there are many variations! Exactly the same.!
She placed it in the palm of my hand and closed my fingers around it. I said nothing as she gazed into my eyes.
We carried on walking hand in hand in the most resting silence. Her voice eased into the silence at a certain point and I think she said.... "He is gone Jamie. He has been expelled and there is only you and me here... Do you understand"?
When I had first looked into her eyes I had only felt wild desire.
But now I understood!!

Bloody holiday romances!!!!

No Expectations....

Was funny.. I felt that everything was good but as usual it was a miscalculation....!!! God... !Im so fucking macho !!!!! And the tradition stands true..!!!!!
Again, Alone in my bed!!!!! Bollocks....
O ja!!! And then a kick in the balls..... Ouwwwww !!!!!!!
Have now joined the Untouchables.........

Who Cares About The Title ? ( A Rose By Any Other Name)

Woke up and waited for the dawn... two hours sleep....again.... Coffee and cigarette in hand, the sun breaking out behind the church, doing it's best to offer optimism. Wasn't looking forward to the coming day... And sure enough....!!!!!!Bollocks!!!!

Friday the 13th.... part Idiot !

I'm not supersticious at all! But this morning as I was showering I had a very strong feeling that things were going to turn bad. I had a premonition that I would be hurt but that's par for the course.
After having worked for a couple of hours the feeling came back.... And BAM I got hit.
I felt it straight away.It wasn't just a broken arm or a simple gaping wound to the head. No! Both legs were obviously broken..... And it dawned on me all of a sudden..
Shit...today of all days.... I put my girlfiend's underware on!!!!

A True Story... (Apart From The Lies!).

Have been lying low. I don't find it difficult to shut others out.
Ten years ago I felt something but it was so vague that I didn't dare to speculate. Afraid of the truth and the future.So I carried on taking care of people.Either prolonging their lives or cutting them short. Because of situations and doubts I put all feeling to one side. In retrospct I should have acted earlier but now all is too late. Getting old and still falling in love!
This is the worst time to be sick. Is there ever a good time?
Sickness changes perspective. Shit! I fell in love!!!!

All I do will either cure me or kill me! And I can live with that!
M xxxxxxxxxxxx

No Permission......

No permission, but all the wrong and right signals.

Working for a funeral director is not a glamourous life and social chances are few are far between.....
But the day before yesterday someone pinched my bum. I turned around to see a face I had come across about nine years or so ago...In a good way !!!

After escorting the mourners back to where thier recseption was being held she kind of cornered me and drew close. She gave me no permission but nonetheless I drew even closer.
She slapped me hard in the face.
Needless to say , I"m looking for another job.
Fortyeight year old ex-funeral directors assistant.....
Ain"t looking good.... !!!!

M X