The First Day...(Of the Rest Of Blah, Blah, Blah). Or . Go Plagerise Yourself!!

All was peace and tranquillity in the sleepy little village he was walking through. He had left his car on the outskirts and hadn't even noticed the name of the village. It seemed of no importance to him. Nothing was of importance. Not these days. When he was younger everything seemed to be important but now there was no drama and no exitement. The sun was gorgious but left him cold.
He stopped at a cafe and ordered some coffe. He put three sugars in but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth.
The waitress was one of the most ugly women he had ever seen but her voice was the most beautiful he had heard. He wanted to have a conversation with her just to lose himself in her dreamy voice, but her face just put him off too much!
After three more coffes the climate was changing. The sun was still shining but the mood was taking a different direction....Frustration and heartache...It was time to move on. But before he left he walked over to the ugly waitress and to her suprise he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his cheek to hers and held it there for a full minute. She didn't move. Then without a word he put his money on the table and moved on. He didn't glance back but could feel her eyes on him.
He was heading for his car but seemed to think it was the wrong direction to take, a wierd feeling in his belly. What would the next town or village bring?

Having driven over the top of a hill he could see the next village about a mile away in the valley. He left the car on the side of the road and started to walk. No other cars passed him on his way. The feeling in his belly had not subsided but tanquillity had the upperhand. A half a mile before the village there was a clearing in the trees where he lay for a while tring to understand the slight internal unrest. He felt like he had drifted off but when he stood to walk again no time had passed. He carried on towards the village in the distance. The closer he got the more the feeling in his belly was changing into something more pleasant but still he could not describe it. It was of no importance.

It was a very small village and it felt like home as soon as he entered it. But what now?
He sat again outside a cafe and before he was served he realised that he could smell the sea. The woman that served him was about fifty, too large, but had the most beautiful brown eyes and an inviting smile. He ordered coffee again but now with a brandy. This he swallowed down in one which burned his stomach straight away but eased the unrest in his belly a bit. He breathed deeply and felt at ease.
A couple of locals came and sat at his table uninvited. This would usually have disturbed him but he was now so relaxed he found it almost comforting. They spoke to him and though their language was not his own he seemed to understand but he had to admit to his new found aquaintances that he didn't. They smiled at him and tried to speak his language and it felt.....right!
The strange feeling in his belly he now realised was a voice as his new friends stood up to leave. "Work", said one of them as they left.

It was so right! So right that he knew he wanted to stay here.
And the feeling in his belly said......."Desperately"!!!!

The Last Day. ( Of His Life).

For the first time in years inspiration failed him. He tried to delve deep into his mind but even in the dark rescesses, where he usually found it most, seemed to want to keep their secrets. He stood for a full hour staring at the dull tones on the canvas. He was not a genius and didn't pretend to be but today the colours would just not come to him. He painted from imagination, had no muse and hated landscapes. He was bored and restless so eventually decided to leave the studio and walk the drab grey streets. He disliked walking and the streets never inspired him.
After an hour of sadness he entered a bar in the hope that a couple of drinks would help the colours return. The cocktails seemed to help slightly but the music the barman was playing was having the opposite effect. He felt a bit mixed up. He felt like this may be the last day of his life but also felt fine with it.
He was fully at ease and had blocked the music out when the most beautiful of women came and sat at his side. She asked no permission and said nothing. When the waiter took her order she asked for a coffee and a Scotch and it was then that he looked at her directly. And then he was no longer at ease with being dead. There were things to live for. Tall, slender, tanned and long brown hair. He dismissed the word demure when she downed the Scotch in one gulp. She took a sip of coffee, then turned to him and said, "Are you Jacob"?
"Yes I am". He felt his penis slightly stir. "Do I know you"?, he asked.
"I've seen your work somewhere".
"I doubt that very much indeed", he repied.
"Jacob, take me to your studio". This was not so much a question or request but a demand. He was a sucker for beauty eventhough his work did not reflect this so he agreed to her demand.

Once they arrived she sat on his dirty old couch and placed her hands on her smooth flat belly. She said nothing. He was also speechless but he studied her very closely. When she finally spoke she said, "I'm hungry".
"There's plenty of food in the fridge. I may be a poor artist but I love to eat". He still felt no inspiration but he did feel hungry.
"May I fix us something?", she said.
"Go ahead". He had no idea of what was happening.
After fifteen minutes she returned from the small kitchenette with two plates full of food. She may have been the most beautiful young woman he had ever seen but she was the most awful cook!! But out of politeness and lust he ate every morsal.
After finishing their meals she asked, "What's behind the covered canvas"?
"Something I began last night but I only got as far as grey's and black's".
"May I see"?
"Go ahead he said".
As she uncovered the painting neither of them were suprised to see that it was a painting of her! Naked and beautiful like it had been painted that morning. They stood for a while admiring what was proably one of his best peices of work before turning to eachother and falling into the most intimate of embraces. And then he knew what was happening.

They had eaten at the table but now she led him back to the dirty old couch and he knew he was going to be the passive one. He watched in wonder as she went down slowly. It seemed to last an age but when he finally came and eventhough it was beautiful it also felt close to the edge of trauma.

And at that moment he knew!!

This WAS the last day of his life!!!!

The fucking end!!

The Other Her.

The dawn is breaking and swarms of early morning swifts are doing their ritual sky dance around the balcony. The sun is not yet in view but it will not be long now. I'm still sleepy but feeling wonderful. And horny! I'll wait for the sun a little longer then maybe go back to bed for an hour. Seemingly taking no time at all my face is bathed in sunlight and I know it's going to be another heavenly day. So happy I could.... And it's alright!!

She lets me lie in her arms and it seems like the good old days but I'm just a man after all so I get out of bed before it becomes embarracing!

Eggs, mushrooms and sardines for breakfast. Most unusual!

And my thoughts have never left HER. The other HER! Can't shake it! And don't want to!

Lost And Found.

The outback is no place to be lost but lost he was. And he had no idea of how he had got there. He tried to think but thinking was getting harder and harder. Had he driven and if so where was his car? Or had he fallen from a plane and if so why wasn't he dead? The only thing he knew for sure was that he had to keep on walking. Placing one foot in front of the other with the purpose of getting somewhere. Anywhere!
The sun was high in the sky and beating down on his bare back. What had he done with his shirt? He was burning up and his skin was sore. One foot in front of the other, again and again. Hours and hours passed and the sun was now in front of him almost blinding him. He couldn't be sure but he thought he saw a huge rock in the distance. At last he had a pupose! A goal! A hope! One foot in front of the other. Again and again.
The dry earth beneath his feet was cracked in crazy patterns, hard and painful. Then he realized he had no shoes on! Where the fuck were his shoes? The rock was getting closer and closer. It was no illusion. Dusk was falling as he reached his destination. And it was a paradise! It was not just a rock but more of a mountain.
He enered a cave where there was water. Water! Clear, dark, deep water!Cool water!
He first drank and then dived in. It seemed like heaven! He smiled for the first time that day as he dived deeper. He took a slow careful breath. Bloody hell!! He could breathe under water!! The cool water soothed his burning skin and his smile grew broader.
He climed out of the pool and emerged from the cave to see that the night had fallen. So many stars.This was no illusion! It was heaven! The night was getting very cool but his burnt skin was keeping him warm.
How long had he been alone? He had no clue. But he certainly didn't feel lonely. He was at peace. He re-entered the cave and drank more of the fresh cool water. Strange that he had no hunger.
He lay down on a smooth flat rock which seemed like a feather bed to him. He started to doze but all of a sudden he heard something rising out of the water and the dark cave seemed to be glowing in golden light. And then an apparition appeared before him. It seemed like an angel. Long golden hair and naked. She stood with her feet either side of his hips.
"My sweet Mark! I have been waiting for you."

And this was no illusion! This was the end!

The Troubles Are Over !

The day had seemed to have begun so promisingly as there were no reports of actions and all had been quiet on the intelligence front.
'Able'company were preparing for the morning patrol and all were in good spirits. The general millitary banter was much the same as any on other day.
Charlie was the first to have all his gear on and was encouraging his comrades to get a bit of a move on but he did it with good humour which was his way.
"Fuck Chas, we've still got a half an hour before we have to move out!," said Pillkington who was one of the more serious carachters eventhough he was only eighteen.
Charlie hated being called Chas! It reminded him too much of Chas and Dave, the awful cockney singing duo.

Everyone was ready on time and 'A'company moved out at exactly 06:00 hours. Helmand Province was no laughing matter but 'A'company seemed a little too lighthearted that morning. Maybe because of the fact that after two months they hadn't lost a soul and they seemed to be getting on pretty well with the locals. But still they patrolled with the usual caution and in the right formation.
"Man on the left, fifty yards, looks a bit dodgey...., said Pillkinkton, but as they passed he just gave a toothless grin.
"Feeling on edge ?" said Charlie when they had passed the toothless old codger.
"Just looking out for you and yours Sarge!"
"Tosser", said Carlie.
"We all have our purpous in life", said Smithy, who was the real joker of the pack.
Then a sniper shot rang out though the bullet had obviously passed by before the crack of the shot was even heard.
"Cover!!", shouted Charlie and everyone found a wall to hide behind. The children who were playing in the street payed no attention whatsoever and just carried on kicking a ball around.
"Where the fuck is he, where the fuck is he?" shouted a worried Pillkington....
Charlie had a vaque susspicion that the shooter was firing from a small farm house about fivehundred yards away. But he was not convinced.
Then the whistle of another bullet passed close to Pillkingtons head and the crack of the shot followed shortly after.
"Farm house, fivehundred yards to the north ! Return fire!! shouted Charlie.
All of 'A'company opened fire and the children just carried on playing football.
Afgan snipers were usually pretty sharp but it seemed this guy was having an off day. Or maybe it was just too early for him.
As this was only a patrol, 'A'company knew that this was just a skirmish and would not turn out to be a full blown battle.

The toothless old geezer stood and just watched the soldiers still smiling his toothless grin.

The farm house had been riddled and 'A'company ducked down again for a few minutes. Sergeant Charlie Harper was the first to stand again but fell almost immidiately.
Apart from the perfect round hole in his forehead there was only a small trickle of blood that slowly made it's way down his chin as he lay slumped against the wall.
Charlie would never be troubled by the name 'Chas' again!

The Fucking End !

The Big Parade.

The day of the big parade had come and Damian had woken up early and was very exited. As were all his friends who were as equally early awake. They all loved the big parade which came to town once a year. It was only one of the biggest events that happened in the village so it was lookeked forward to with great expectation.
Damian's parents had still not risen and his older brother was still asleep.
For Damian this was just about the happiest day of the year.The floats, the bands, and the women who threw sweets and small gifts.
The preperations had been building up for days only adding to the anticipation. For the orginizers this was a complicated affair if things were to run smoothly. But Damian and his friends thought it just happend.
Damian looked outside and saw that it was a beautiful sunny day which only added to his happiness.
The floats were almost the same every year but for Damian it seemed like a new experience every time. Mind you, he had only seen the Big Parade three times before.
His favorite floats were the one's representing Heaven and Hell which followed eachother in the procsession.The Heeavenly float was alwasys in front of the Hellish float and beautiful women thre flowers to the crowds that lined the streets.
The Hell float was filled with devils and demons who snarled and growled and then gave demonic laughs which scared the very yong children.
But Damian was now seven years old and the Father Christmas myth was already a fable to him. That particular belief did not exist for him anymore. But the pagen Angles and Demons were still fresh and exiting, or so he thought.
He had arranged to meet with his friends on the village Green two hours before the parade would begin. All his friends were slightly younger than himself and their exitement was even greater than his......
One hour before the parade would begin they had found their place on the street with the best view. And as the crowds grew so did their anticipation.And then the parade began.....

Brass bands, morris dancers and then a millitary band made their way down main street. The adults clapped and cheered and the joy on the faces of the children only added to the happiness of the parents. The sun was shining and it was getting warmer. The first few floats were more or less just advertizements for local buisnesses and those in the surrounding area but they were brightly covered and the rep's threw then sweets and small gifts.
The Angels and the Demons were getting closer and closer and Damians' grin could not have been broarder. But as they got closer still his smile began to fade. The angels no longer seemed as angelic as he remembered and the demons seemed tired and halfhearted.
Damian didn't have the words to describe how he was now feeling and he just thought he was disappointed.
But the sad truth was that his innocence had once and for all been stolen.

The Fucking End !!!

mmm Sardines.

"Thankyou very much my friend",I said after he had just struck me in the face with a wet fish.If it had been fresh salmon or trout it wouldn't have been so bad.But it was a big mackrell. A big rotting mackrell!!The wet fish was surprisingly not cold but slightly warmer than my skin.
How I mistook a knife for a rotting mackrell I will never know. But before I passed out I thought I caught the faint aroma of sardines. And before I hit the ground I was murmering... mmmmmmm

Holiday Romances.....

Jamie,Jamie, Jamie!!! That's all I could think when I read the text on my mobile. And the next word that came into my head was ASSHOLE!!!! Some people think of themselves, and other people think of others, and others only of others. But I saw Jamie three weeks ago and he was no longer thinking of himself or others. I saw it in his eyes and I heard it from the few words he spoke.
He tried not to impress and tried not to judge. He was just there in a particular time where he didn't belong... So yesterday he took the easy way out.
And so it goes.
I read the text on a beach in Portugal and it made me wonder about so many things. But I was not sad for Jamie. Or his loved one's. I wondered about the flat Earth and I imagined Jamie gliding over the edge wrapped in a shroud. And his loved one's would just have to suck it up. And so it goes.

I was on holiday and this was my time so I walked a couple of hundred meters to the nearest beach bar where I took a double shot of Scotch and then ordered the cocktail that was named after the bar. Lots of alcohol... named The Seventh Wave. I saw a female hand put the drink down in front of me and looked up to give a thank you smile. But she sat down and said, "Jamie, isn't it"?
"Im sorry?"
"You are called Jamie, no..."?
"No".
"Will you walk with me on the beach"?
"Yes,....... Please."

She led me by the hand onto the soothing warm sands. It's touch beneath my feet put me at ease but then again off guard. It was only now that I took her in. Long brown hair with golden streaks and brown everything else. Apart from the piercing blue eyes! Shit!! Then I knew I was in trouble!
But we walked on for a while, not saying too much and occasionally glancing at each other. She reached for my hand and I didn't flinch. Seemed the most natural thing in the world. But at a certain point she suddenly stood stock still and looked down. I followed her gaze. I saw a very faint glimmer of gold. It was the tiniest of chain links.
"Yours, I beleive..", and she reached down and picked a couple of more chain links up which had a pendant hanging from it. It was a Celtic cross earring with very intricate and unique designs as decoration. Decoration with a message... It was thirty two degrees and I started to shiver. Jamie had a tattoo of exactly the same cross. And there are many variations! Exactly the same.!
She placed it in the palm of my hand and closed my fingers around it. I said nothing as she gazed into my eyes.
We carried on walking hand in hand in the most resting silence. Her voice eased into the silence at a certain point and I think she said.... "He is gone Jamie. He has been expelled and there is only you and me here... Do you understand"?
When I had first looked into her eyes I had only felt wild desire.
But now I understood!!

Bloody holiday romances!!!!

No Expectations....

Was funny.. I felt that everything was good but as usual it was a miscalculation....!!! God... !Im so fucking macho !!!!! And the tradition stands true..!!!!!
Again, Alone in my bed!!!!! Bollocks....
O ja!!! And then a kick in the balls..... Ouwwwww !!!!!!!
Have now joined the Untouchables.........

Who Cares About The Title ? ( A Rose By Any Other Name)

Woke up and waited for the dawn... two hours sleep....again.... Coffee and cigarette in hand, the sun breaking out behind the church, doing it's best to offer optimism. Wasn't looking forward to the coming day... And sure enough....!!!!!!Bollocks!!!!

Friday the 13th.... part Idiot !

I'm not supersticious at all! But this morning as I was showering I had a very strong feeling that things were going to turn bad. I had a premonition that I would be hurt but that's par for the course.
After having worked for a couple of hours the feeling came back.... And BAM I got hit.
I felt it straight away.It wasn't just a broken arm or a simple gaping wound to the head. No! Both legs were obviously broken..... And it dawned on me all of a sudden..
Shit...today of all days.... I put my girlfiend's underware on!!!!

A True Story... (Apart From The Lies!).

Have been lying low. I don't find it difficult to shut others out.
Ten years ago I felt something but it was so vague that I didn't dare to speculate. Afraid of the truth and the future.So I carried on taking care of people.Either prolonging their lives or cutting them short. Because of situations and doubts I put all feeling to one side. In retrospct I should have acted earlier but now all is too late. Getting old and still falling in love!
This is the worst time to be sick. Is there ever a good time?
Sickness changes perspective. Shit! I fell in love!!!!

All I do will either cure me or kill me! And I can live with that!
M xxxxxxxxxxxx

No Permission......

No permission, but all the wrong and right signals.

Working for a funeral director is not a glamourous life and social chances are few are far between.....
But the day before yesterday someone pinched my bum. I turned around to see a face I had come across about nine years or so ago...In a good way !!!

After escorting the mourners back to where thier recseption was being held she kind of cornered me and drew close. She gave me no permission but nonetheless I drew even closer.
She slapped me hard in the face.
Needless to say , I"m looking for another job.
Fortyeight year old ex-funeral directors assistant.....
Ain"t looking good.... !!!!

M X

Hubert. (Long Time No See.. )

I bumped into Hubert today. I seem to bump into an awful lot of people. I must be really clumsey.
But anyway... Hubert saw me coming. Hadn't seen him for 38 yaers or so.
In class Hubert was a quiet dullard. Never put his hand up and never looked anyone in the face.
"Hey, M how are you doin?"
I was flabberghasted. He was so... different than then.
"You remember me eh" ?
"Well, er,. vaugley, you're er.. Herbe...
"Hubert, he interupted....
"Of course, Hubert, how are you doing?
"Fine, am not married, I flirt around and my job is great. In fact I have power . Even over you. Just need to tick your name in and then.... "
"And then what ? "
"You don't wanna know!

Freaked me out so I call in sick on my mobile and turned back towards home. I arrived nine hours later....

Tja, M x

For All The Time. ( It Took.)

Hate flashbacks, but now and again they just take over. Today.
All at once I felt as I did when I was far younger and had a different perspective on time. It was wierd to be there even if it was just for a brief moment.... Indesructable, all the time in the world, all could still pan out. The bliss of ignorence or is it the ignorence of bliss? Blissfully unaware !

But the feeling soon left and reallity was no surprise and no problem.
I"ve said it before and I'll say it again...; "Older and none the wiser!"

M x

Better Not Ask. ( Oh Lord, Don´t Ask Me Questions.)

Today, for no reason whatsoever I decided to walk to work instead of taking the bike.
When I take the bike to work I make my way through the side streets, but because I was walking I figured the best route was down Main Street.
The side streets have beautiful, curious, magical shops. Antiques and junk, the best bakers, and even a shop dedicated to buttons ! These shops are not open as I pass them but they make me feel good !

So as I said, I was walking down Main Street this morning. Nothing much had changed. All the same global names stretching for four hundred meters.
Half way down Main I came across Billy. I hadn´t seen him for at least two years and we both failed to recognise eachother at first. We were walking toward eachother and it was only when he was about five meters away that I thought I knew who he was. At five meters away he also looked at me with some quizical form of recognition. I couldn´t take the chance of insulting him so as we drew level I said, `Billy?
He looked at me blankly but then the penny dropped. `Hey M. `.
`Billy mate, how are you doin`?
I offered a hand but his eyes were raised to the skies.
After thirty seconds or so his eyes lowered from the heavens and rested deeply in mine. He smiled like coming back from a beautiful dream which he knows he can continue at any time and said.... `What was the question `?
`How are you`, I said.
`Oh, er, well, low or even no self esteem, can´t and don´t want to take care of myself, hate more than fifty percent of the population, I feel sorry for myself but I feel even more sorry for humannity in general, my body feels like thirty, but my anger feels like nineteen. That´s how I am, and you ?`
´Fine mate. Have to get to work.`

I think the best greetings are `Good morning, Good afternoon and Good evening.
But even then some people will interperate that as an invitation to spew their gall.

Won´t take Main Street again in a hurry.
M x

Lost. ( Missing.)

Terrence always hated his name but that is how how he grew up and he just exepted it. I just thought I´d let you know eventhough it has no bearing on this annacdote whatsoever.

Terrence was working late one night and was actually the last person in the office. Most of the lights in the office were out and his face sprang out from the glare of his computer.
It was nine thirty when for no apparent reason someone clubbed him over the back of the head. All lights went out.
Two hours later he woke up, felt the back of his head, looked at his hand, saw no blood and thought; `Well better call, eh...better go to...eh..., go back home ?´
It was only after these thoughs that he thought `What the hell just happened ?

He rubbed the back of his head for a minute or two then in a reflex picked up his briefcase, and opened it. Nothing was missing though he did not recognise his passport photo or the nane on the cover. The names on his bank card and credit card were also unfamilliar. There were documents with his apparent name on.
He was bemused and confused and all of a sudden felt unsafe. He had to get out of the office. And fast !

Once outside he took more than one deep breath and it seemed to clear his head somewhat. But then he realized that he didn´t recognise anything. He walked calmly into the unknown streets with no fear or trepidation.
He found a park not three hundred yards from his office but it was still not known to him in his present state. He seated himself on a bench, placed his briefcase on his lap and opened it up. Everything was still there. But there was an addition. On top of all the documents was now a beautifully bound book. He gazed at the cover for a half hour before falling into a deep sleep.

The next day he managed to find his way to a railway station. The fact that he had forgotten much and recognised little didn´t hinder him in making a dessision to buy a aticket to Cornwall.

He has been living there for a while now and his credit card still holds out for the essencials. But for most of the time he just sits either on the rocks near the shoreline or in the meadow reading and rereading the book which appeared in his briefcase. He goes over and over it.
He looks out to sea or over the rolling hills thinking `Steal all the clocks, steal all the clocks...

Terrence knows his own future.

NEVER SLEEPING !

Murder Crisis.(And No Pension Plan.)

Years ago there was no shortage of work. The 60´s the 70´s. But then capitalism set in. So much competition..... plenty work. Too many takers.
Even criminals need competition otherwise there is no fun , even in their buisiness.
I have become almost redundant, even we are not immune to the crisis.
I still won´t apologise for all I´ve done.
Son of a bitch.
Strange things will happen.
M.

Not Important. ( But The Aftershocks...) !!!!

Today, as every other day for the last year or so I woke up and before I knew it two women had invaded my thoughts. Neither of them were my mother so I consider myself not sick.
I had no time to think about myself before SHE arrived. And SHE lead into HER.
And that was all before the morning piss.
During shaving and looking in the mirror I can let them loose.
But during the roll up and the cup of tea they both creep back in.
My fault, not theirs´.
And after all that I still have to go to work.
God, I´m horney !!!!!!
M xxx

Reflections. ( Past, Present and Future.)

Not surprisingly the scene is a cafe. I had just put my book down and removed my reading glasses when I looked up. It is spring time and the door was open. It has a glass panel. I was slightly surprised but not shocked by my own reflection so I kept on staring. The background beyond the glass helped to fade the details so I began to create images.
Funnily enough I went through the exact same images as I did twenty seven years ago when I took a load of mushrooms in an attic room. It was a pitch black night outside. I put a candle on a windowsill and stared at my face untill I got transported.
First I was a Mexican male with a round jolly face, then transformed into a beautiful Japanees girl with a bone structure to die for who in turn changed me into a bearded old man. The old man was not a happy figure. He slowly changed into a skull. And the skull had no intention of changing into anything else than what he was.
Have been coming to this cafe for the last ten years. Still can´t work out the details.

Signed : The Beautiful Magic Mushroom Cloud.